Pragmatics of Dealing with “Working Mom” Guilt

Pragmatics of Dealing with “Working Mom” Guilt

The number one question that I get all the time from working moms is some variation of: “How can I go to the office or even travel to another country without my kid(s) and not feel bad about it?”

Guilt, as well as its cousins, shame and blame, really have only this purpose – to control you and to distract you from what you are really aware of. Whenever you feel guilty, recognize it isn’t real, it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong, and ask: “If I wasn’t feeling guilty right now what would I be aware of?”

Children will manipulate you with guilt, as will adults! My kids try this one all the time, pouty lips and tears. ‘But moooooom you can’t walk away from me, I neeeeeeed you!’ They’re only one-year old (twins) so they don’t actually say this out loud but you can totally hear it in their heads. Two ready-born masters of manipulation.

Your family, your co-workers, peers, friends… so many of us have been taught to believe it is wrong for mothers to spend any significant amount of time away from their children. Even though this seems like a concept that should be long out-dated by now.

If you are a “working mom” you may feel the need to justify spending time at work. Usually the “reason” for working is that the family needs your job as a source of money.

What if you were to look at the real reason that you are choosing to work? Do you enjoy creating? Do you enjoy the break from your kids? What if you didn’t have to justify your choices …and it was okay just to choose?

If you can come to work with the energy of it being a choice that you are making, not something you are forced to do, what would that create for you, your business, and your money flows?

As for the kids, here are some pragmatic tips for creating ease with them and you!

Read my full article and my 5 tips to move beyond “Working Mom Guilt” here on Joy Of Business.

Thriving Through The First Year Of Parenthood (With Twins!)

Thriving Through The First Year Of Parenthood (With Twins!)

The first year with twins is like running a marathon every day on no sleep, half wanting to die at the same time you’ve never been so glad to be alive, and your heart exploding over and over from the love and laughter. I’ve never laughed or cried so much in my life! Can you relate?

As all moms know, having a baby ain’t easy. Raising kids can be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. And that’s just one piece! It’s not like the rest of your life stops. Are you, like me, the sole income-producers of your family? Running a business on top of it? Trying to have a relationship? A sex-life? Getting your body back?

Let’s just say there is a reason that Gary Douglas, founder of Access Consciousness ® calls us women the warriors of the world.

As my twins approached their first birthday I reflected on what tools I used to get me through…and even to thrive during the first year. There are so many! And I’m forever grateful for Access Consciousness that I have this massive toolbox to pull from!

If I had to pick only 3 here are the ones I would choose. These are actually great tools for parenting kids of any age!

1. Get your Bars run.

I swear I would not have made it through my pregnancy without this tool. And it’s still my go-to today whenever I am sick, tired, grumpy, in pain, or just… having a bad hair day.

2. Ask “who does it belong to” for EVERYTHING!

If your kids are fussy, ask them “who does it belong to?” You just ask the question, kids are smart they pick up on the energy, an answer is not required! 99% of our thoughts, feelings and emotions are not ours so when you ask this question you are just acknowledging that you are aware of your surroundings. Have you ever walked into a room after an argument and just sensed the tension and awkwardness – same thing! And same for your kids, they are just aware of the energy around them. Embarrassingly I have done this in response to a cranky-pants moment with my 8-month old who has turned to me and cried, “mooooomy.” Oops! I have also used this tool for morning sickness and being tired which can be very helpful and again you do not need to know who it belongs to.

3. There are no solutions: The only answer is to stay in question.

This is probably the hardest because it goes against everything that we are taught, especially when we become parents. Have you noticed that everyone wants to tell you what the right way is to do x,y or z and to tell you when you’re doing it wrong! I found myself wanting to come to conclusion when I found something that worked once. Example: I give the twins a bath before bed and they go straight to sleep. “HOORAY! I have found the answer to getting the babies to sleep!” Then the next night, I give them a bath and they are totally wide awake for an hour. GAR! “What did I do wrong??!” The trick is to always stay in question. Always. This one takes some practice and is a muscle you can build!

It’s only the beginning…this first year…has gone by in a FLASH! and I am quickly approaching my second year!

If you know anyone who would benefit, I did a 3-part telecall series called Thriving Through The First Year – From Pregnancy To Baby’s First Birthday it is available to purchase in my shop.

Are you up for having it all? Loving life and having way too much fun?

Are you up for having it all? Loving life and having way too much fun?

What if you could have it all? What if it was okay to love your job, love creating and love being a mama?

Rather than buying into overwhelm, have you ever acknowledged how much fun it is for you to add to your life?

Learn the tools to create a life and living that contributes to your kids and family while enjoying yours and having way too much fun!