The Myths Of Motherhood

The Myths Of Motherhood

With the rise of social media, the prevalence of judgement on other parents has reached epidemic proportions. A recent US study* found that 90% of Mums and 85% of Dads feel judged by others, and nearly half of all parents feel judged almost all the time. According to Sunshine Coast business coach and mother of twins, Lauren Marie, this constant demand to conform to others’ rules not only undermines a parent’s wellbeing – it also stifles their ability to follow their dreams and create new financial opportunities for themselves and their families.

‘Sadly, as parents, particularly mothers, are busy trying to conform to society’s standards, they are limiting their ability to thrive, create and – ultimately – make more money,” Lauren advises.

A passionate entrepreneur with an unconventional pregnancy story, Lauren is concerned that most parents regulate many of their life choices in order to be seen as a ‘good parent”. As the expectations grow around them, new mothers and fathers begin to stifle their natural impulses, sacrifice their dreams and place more emphasis on society’s unwritten rules than on personal fulfilment. In doing so, Lauren believes that parents limit their actions – and therefore their possibilities for true happiness and financial wellbeing. “What if becoming a parent could allow you to create more, not less?” she suggests. ‘What if you are not expected to be -perfect’?”

As a Joy of Business facilitator working with mumprenuers from around the Sunshine Coast, Lauren has seen first-hand the self-imposed limitations that parents, particularly mothers, place on themselves around business and money. ‘The standard point of view is that children somehow restrict the ability to own and run a business, but I reject that notion. In my experience, my children can, and do, contribute to my business. They are a part of the creative process,” she shares.

Lauren often hears the following – Myths of Motherhood’: 

1) It is not possible to be a Mum and run a business: Lauren asks, ‘What if being a mum allowed you to create more? Why not have it all? Why not use being a mother to your full advantage? What if becoming a Mum could allow you to create more, not less? What if you having a business was a contribution to your kids, not a sacrifice?”

2) Being a good parent is all about sacrifice: ‘Have you started making sacrifices -for your family’? Have you started giving up parts and pieces of you -for your kids’? The problem with that is, the more you give up, the less of you there is in the world. And the lessening of you is never a contribution. Not to your children, to you, or to anyone!” Lauren warns.

3) You must maintain balance: ‘I hear this all the time: setting work hours, attending gym three times a week, yoga every morning, creating -husband time’ after the kids go to bed. I tried this … and I fell asleep,” Lauren remarks. ‘Today I answered emails and Skype calls while pushing my kids in their swings. Yesterday I listened to a lecture while I made dinner and the kids’ dad played with them. It works much better for all of us if we go with the flow!”

Lauren believes that children thrive in environments where their parents place emphasis on creativity, possibility and personal and financial fulfilment. ‘Your children will learn how to be and what to be based on what you be and do. When you choose more for you, they learn that it is ok for them to be more to.”

 

To read my Q&A and full original article go to Femail.com.au

Pragmatics of Dealing with “Working Mom” Guilt

Pragmatics of Dealing with “Working Mom” Guilt

The number one question that I get all the time from working moms is some variation of: “How can I go to the office or even travel to another country without my kid(s) and not feel bad about it?”

Guilt, as well as its cousins, shame and blame, really have only this purpose – to control you and to distract you from what you are really aware of. Whenever you feel guilty, recognize it isn’t real, it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong, and ask: “If I wasn’t feeling guilty right now what would I be aware of?”

Children will manipulate you with guilt, as will adults! My kids try this one all the time, pouty lips and tears. ‘But moooooom you can’t walk away from me, I neeeeeeed you!’ They’re only one-year old (twins) so they don’t actually say this out loud but you can totally hear it in their heads. Two ready-born masters of manipulation.

Your family, your co-workers, peers, friends… so many of us have been taught to believe it is wrong for mothers to spend any significant amount of time away from their children. Even though this seems like a concept that should be long out-dated by now.

If you are a “working mom” you may feel the need to justify spending time at work. Usually the “reason” for working is that the family needs your job as a source of money.

What if you were to look at the real reason that you are choosing to work? Do you enjoy creating? Do you enjoy the break from your kids? What if you didn’t have to justify your choices …and it was okay just to choose?

If you can come to work with the energy of it being a choice that you are making, not something you are forced to do, what would that create for you, your business, and your money flows?

As for the kids, here are some pragmatic tips for creating ease with them and you!

Read my full article and my 5 tips to move beyond “Working Mom Guilt” here on Joy Of Business.